So, yesterday I worried. Today I worried. A week ago I worried........ I don't think that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry in. I worry about money, my job, having a family; anything you can think of to worry about, I've been there. It's not that I want to worry, it just comes naturally I guess. I know that it isn't healthy and will only age me more. I don't want to be a worry wart. A lot of times I think a lot about those verses in the Bible that talk about "consider the birds of the air....." Basically the birds don't ever have to worry about where their food or shelter will come from because God has provided it for them. If you've ever sat outside at a restaurant, or fed ducks at a pond you know what I'm talking about. Birds build nests from bits and pieces of what they find on their own, but God gave it all to them. Nothing they have came from anything they did, but because God provided their every need. Why then do I still worry?
I grew up in a Christian household and I went to a Christian school. I knew God and I knew all the stories in the Bible that would fully back up His credibility. Yet why would I ever doubt that He had only the best in store for me and He had already provided me a fantastic future. There were days when I was 14 or 15 years old thinking that He didn't want me to have a driver's license and I was worried I wouldn't get to turn 16. I was worried that I wouldn't live to have a boyfriend, see the age of 21 and drink (big deal, right?), get married, etc. God has proven Himself time and time again to me. I am 28 years old, I am married to the most wonderful man in the world(3 years next tuesday 12/16), I own my house, I live in Texas....what more could I ask for? There's always more apparently.
With all that I have and all that I've been given I still long to have a child and to be a mother. I want to grow to be a "fat" pregnant person. I want to feel that baby wiggle and hiccup inside of me. I want to go through every symptom that is associated with being pregnant. I want a baby shower. I want to give my parents a grandchild. But I have no control over this. I get frustrated almost every day with my "situation". I have good days and I have bad days. There isn't a month that doesn't go by where I don't think "what if I get pregnant this month?" and it doesn't happen. The cycle happens all over again and so on. One day I know that God will prove Himself again and I will have that baby. Matt and I will have family and that baby will be more loved and appreciated than I could ever say. God will provide. No need for me to worry (even though I do). I must continue to trust Him and believe in Him and His miraculous provision.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
