I don't like to use the word "scared" very often because that would mean that I might possibly not be as brave as I let people think I am. But the fact is, I am scared. I am scared that the doctor still won't find something "wrong" with me and I'll continue being an abnormal female. I am scared that what's wrong with me won't be able to be fixed easily or even fixed at all. I am scared that the doctor is going to file me away in the "IVF file" and write me off completely. I am scared of not ever having a child of my own.
I am a huge Sex and the City fan and have watched it for years!!! I know that it's just fiction and that the character's lives aren't real, but their stories have and still touch my heart to this day. One storyline that has stuck with me is that of Charlotte York-Goldenblatt.
Charlotte was the eternal optimist. She always could see the positive in anything and everyone no matter how dire the situation was. Charlotte was the hopeless romantic and believed in love and all that it represents. I guess it was her naivety that lead to her first marriage to Trey McDougal which failed miserably due to his being a total selfish and inconsiderate husband. While she went through the divorce process she met Harry Goldenblatt who she hired as her divorce attorney. Later on they fall in love (for reals) and get married. While she was married to Trey and then Harry later on Charlotte struggled with her infertility. She tried everything from positive thinking, testing, fertlity treatments and acupuncture to no avail. At the end of the SATC series she and Harry get approved to adopt a little girl from China and she finally gets what she wants. They made a SATC movie which picks up a few years after the series ends and you see Charlotte and Harry raising this beautiful little girl that they name Lily. In the movie Charlotte finally gets pregnant on her own and gives birth to another little girl that they name Rose.
I have always had a stronger connection to this character than the others because I totally identify with her. She always wanted to have a relationship with a good man. She finds a good man and he turns out to be a total dud. She leaves him and finds a man that she never thought she'd ever see herself with, but he's perfect for her. They get married and can't start a family because there's something "wrong" with her, but they don't know why! Can you see why I relate to her story???
The best thing about Charlotte was her ability to persevere through her trials. She ended up with everything she wanted even though it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows on her road to getting there. Yes, this was the life that was written for her by the writers for the show, but I know I'm not the only woman out there that can relate with her make believe life. Her story inspires me regardless if it's the truth or if it's fictional.
Funny thing is now that I've focused on this sweet story, I've forgotten about my fears about tomorrow's appointment. I am more excited to see what is in store. I am ready to get this ball rolling and to start taking all the tests necessary to see what can be fixed. I have hope and I know that the One who writes my story has only good things in store for me and my future family with my "Harry".
SJR aka. Charlotte ;-)
1 comments:
Aw, this got me all emotional and made me cry! Big, happy, ugly tears. I'm so excited for you. The very first time I saw SATC movie and during the scene she tells Carrie she's pregnant I always think of you. Always always.
I have no doubt that one day you'll be just as blessed, if not tenfold (not with 10 kids though...for your own sake :-)
Keep us updated! Even if it isn't with the best of news. I want to pray specifically.
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